We’ve all been there, stuck in a sub-par relationship knowing you’re not happy but worried you would be even less happy without them.
The fear of overhearing Katy Perry’s The One That Got Away playing in a café in ten years and wondering ‘damn, how did I let them go?’
However, the reality is that time heals all wounds, and you’re probably looking back on a pretty terrible relationship with rose-tinted glasses on.
Ending a relationship is complicated, and no two breakups will ever be the same.
It is not always the absence of love that drives us apart from our significant other, but hurt, resentment, circumstance and so much more.
You aren’t a bad person for wanting to end a relationship with a good person, in all honesty, you’re probably all the better for being honest.
The easy thing to do would be to stay and continue complaining to your friends about how miserable you are, but instead, you are facing the problem head-on.
There is no easy way to break someone’s heart, and many times we are breaking our own in the process too, but some relationships simply have to come to an end.
Here is a list of some obvious, and some not-so-obvious reasons, why you should split up from your partner.
You are looking for reasons to break upÂ
No this is not a dig at you for reading this article, it’s okay to be curious and wonder whether the relationship you’re in is right for you in the long-term.
However, what’s not a good sign is actively searching out flaws and problems within the relationship in the hopes you can find a “valid excuse” to break up.
The reality is that simply not being over the moon with your situation, even if you can’t put your finger on why, is enough of a reason.
People love to beg for “answers” when you’re breaking up with them so that they can try and persuade you that they can change.
However, just because someone is breaking up with you because of a trait you have or a thing you do, doesn’t mean you should change at all.
Not everyone is for everybody and that’s okay, they’re not a villain and you’re not a victim – if you stay true to yourself, there is undoubtedly someone out there who will love you for it.
Your Gut Feeling
As cliché as it sounds, you always know deep down if something isn’t right, and relationships are no different.
You may experience really intense butterflies around them, which are romanticised alarm bells going off in your stomach telling you to run for the hills.
You may feel a pit in your stomach even when you’re getting on well together, because a flashback of a time they did something to hurt popped into your mind.
Although this may feel like your mind is out to get you, it is probably just trying to remind you that this person can’t be trusted.
You may cringe a little internally when they express their feelings for you or tell you they love you, because you know you don’t feel the same.
Although it is totally normal for two people’s feelings to progress at different paces, if you know you are on a totally different page to the other person, then it may be time to let go.
You keep breaking up and getting back together
We’ve all been in a relationship where you are on and off like a light switch, but normalise it by comparing yourselves to Ross and Rachel in Friends.
But unfortunately, this could mean that you’re just a bad match.
Couples don’t usually break up for no reason. If you are continuously going your separate ways then maybe it would be a good idea to stay apart.
Some people love the drama and the highs and lows associated with breaking up, but it’s simply not healthy or sustainable.
Nobody wants to be one half of the couple everybody looks down on like Heidi and Spencer on The Hills, yet so many of us find ourselves stuck on this hamster wheel.
Next time you and your significant other inevitably split up again, ask yourself ‘Has anything changed?’ before getting back together.
If the answer is nothing then save yourself the hassle and move on.
You make all the effort
Life is long, and there will be times in every relationship when one person has to sacrifice more than the other due to circumstances or mood.
However, if you have consistently been putting in more effort than your partner and you have flagged this to them and seen no improvement – you probably deserve better.
Years and years of putting someone else’s needs before your own will only lead to resentment no matter how happy you are to do it at the time.
Making all the effort can be anything from always being the one to make plans, to bending over backwards to accommodate their schedule, to moving country for their job without any regard for your own.
It is a wonderful and kind thing to make the lives of those we love easier when we can, we don’t advise you stop that in any way.
But just be mindful that you aren’t always getting the short end of the stick.
You don’t trust them
Being in a relationship where you question everything they say or do because you don’t trust them or their intentions is exhausting.
Feeling the need to go through your partner’s phone is highly toxic, and a huge invasion of privacy.
However, we are aware that in many circumstances you may have had your suspicions and been looking for confirmation – but unfortunately, that was not the move.
Unless you suffer massively from self-sabotage you can generally trust your gut feeling.
The rule of thumb is – if you suspect you’re going to go on their phone and find messages between him and RoisÃn from work, then just dump him.
Nobody is worth your peace, and going through their phone, confronting them about what you find, and then staying with them after they convince you it is a once-off is not worth your sanity.
You fight right
This may seem like a bit of a contradiction, but it is equally as harmful to not fight in your relationship as it is to fight all the time.
Although everyone dreams of a relationship that is smooth sailing and free of drama, being totally indifferent to your partner’s actions is a also bad sign.
Fighting like cats and dogs is not the goal, but being comfortable enough with your significant other to show your emotions is.
It is also important to note that there is a right and wrong way to fight with your partner – fights with your partner should be more of a heated disagreement than an outright brawl.
During a fight, neither person should disrespect the other, get violent or be manipulative.
If your partner is ever emotionally or physically abusive, then you should leave them immediately or at the very least confide in someone close to you about your situation.
If you have been affected by anything in this article, you can contact Women’s Aid: 1800 341 900 or Men’s Aid: (01) 554 3811
