Demi Lovato got candid in a brand new documentary following her rise to fame.
The intimate film, called Simply Complicated, sees the former Disney star open up about her struggle with addiction and an eating disorder in her most honest interview yet.
The 25-year-old revealed a lot in the documentary, including the fact that her drug addiction began when she was just 17 years old.
“My first time doing coke, I was 17 working on Disney Channel, and I was with a couple of friends and they introduced me to it. I was scared because my mom always told me that your heart could just burst if you do it. But I did it anyways and I loved it,” she confessed.
“I felt out of control with the coke the first time that I did it. My dad was an addict and an alcoholic and I guess I always searched for what he found in drugs and alcohol because it fulfilled him and he chose that over a family.”
The singer also told how she had suicidal thoughts from a very young age, saying, “I was depressed at a very, very young age. Fascinated with death. Wondering what it would be like to have a funeral. I never knew why I would think so darkly and it took me a long time to figure out what was actually going on.”
The brunette also spoke about the time she hit rock bottom and punched her back up dancer while on tour with the Jonas brothers.
“Everyone was freaking out. I just remember going and sitting down, texting my mom, ‘I’m sorry.’ And I slept the whole day. I just came to a breaking point.”
Demi also revealed the last time that she drank alcohol, and how desperate she was towards the end of her binging.
“I would fake my drug tests with other people’s pee. It’s embarrassing to look back on the person that I was,” she said. “The very last night that I drank, I was at a hotel and I invited two random people and basically just drank with them.
“I got really, really drunk until it was time to get on a flight. And I was so drunk that I threw up in the back of the car service on the way to the airport to perform on American Idol. I felt like that was a moment in my career where I didn’t care. I just knew that I needed to get high to get through what I was going through a that point.”
The documentary also revealed that Demi was living in a sober apartment while she acted as a judge on The X Factor USA alongside Simon Cowell.
“What nobody knows is, while she’s a judge [on X Factor], she’s living in a sober apartment, with roommates. She’s having to do chores, she has no cell phone, she is completely and totally submitted to the process of recovery,” Mike Bayer, Demi’s personal development coach said.
The 25-year-old also opened up about her love life, and admitted that she will always love her ex-boyfriend Wilmer Valderrama.
“I’ve never loved anybody like I’ve loved Wilmer. And like I still love Wilmer. When I met him and I laid eyes on him for the first time, I was in hair and makeup and I was like, ‘I love his man and I have to have him.’ But I was only 17 so he was like, ‘Get away from me.’
“After I turned 18, we began dating and I think it was love at first sight. I don’t really believe in that, but I believe that it happened. We connected on a level that I’ve never connected with anybody before. He was just my rock, my everything.”
Demi also revealed that their breakup “had nothing to do with falling out of love” and that, “[they] decided together that [they’re] probably just better as friends.”
The songstress also opened up about her long-time struggle with an eating disorder, and how she was bulled severely bullied in school from a young age.
“Food is still the biggest challenge in my life and it controls — I don’t want to give it the power to say it controls my every thought, but it’s something that I’m constantly thinking about.
“Body image, what I’m going to eat next, what I wish I could be eating, what I wish I didn’t eat. It’s just constant. Like I get envious toward people that don’t struggle with an eating disorder just because I feel like my life would be so much easier.”
“When I was 12, I was bullied. I developed a social anxiety where I didn’t trust other girls my age. Then one day, this girl who was popular started saying, ‘Demi should kill herself. She should slit her wrists.’ And it resulted in a suicide petition that got passed around and she had other classmates sign it.
“And when I asked them why, nobody could give me a specific reason why they were treating me the way they were. I had no friends. I was alone. So I went off of what they were calling me, which was a whore and being fat.”
In the doc, Demi also spoke about her sexuality, and opened up about dating both men and women.
“I am on a dating app with both guys and girls. I am open to human connection, so whether that’s through a male or a female, that doesn’t matter to me,” Demi explained.
Watch the full Simply Complicated documentary below:
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