You’ve heard of ghosting and gaslighting, but have you ever heard of ‘ghostlighting’?
It is the latest dating term to go viral, and it is something you need to watch out for in a relationship.
Goss.ie spoke to Bumble‘s Sex and Relationships expert Dr. Caroline West about what ‘ghostlighting’ means, and how to avoid the relationship red flag.
She told us: “Ghostlighting is a mix of two terms, ghosting and gaslighting. Ghosting is the practice of ending a personal relationship with someone suddenly and without explanation, withdrawing from all communication.”
“Gaslighting is where someone lies, denies, or otherwise manipulates the other person in an effort to make them question their own judgment.”
“A ‘ghostlighter’ might disappear from someone’s life with no explanation, but then come back around and claim they never disappeared at all. This kind of emotional manipulation has no place in a healthy relationship.”
Dr. Caroline West explained: “Generally, a ‘ghostlighter’ is not supportive of you, they may be secretive, critical, or even dismissive. Ghostlighting, or any kind of manipulative or coercive behaviour, is a serious relationship red flag.”
“When it comes to red flags, we sometimes tend to minimise what is going on, give people the benefit of the doubt, or make excuses for them.”
“When it comes to ending things with someone it’s important to strike the right balance of being straightforward about how you feel, whilst also being kind and considerate. There are ways to make it clear that you aren’t looking for another date, whilst keeping their confidence intact.”
“The overwhelming majority of people on Bumble (84%) think being honest and upfront is the most important thing in a relationship, so tell the truth – they will likely appreciate your honesty.”
“Try to weave in a compliment when you message them, ensuring it centres around the date itself rather than them as a person in order not to send mixed messages. For example, ‘I really enjoyed chatting about Barbenheimer with you last night…’ – followed by a short and concise message as to why you’d not like to take things further.”
“It’s always best to lead with kindness in dating, even in hard situations. After all, you’d want others to treat you the same way! Once you respectfully end the chat with your match, you can both move on to seeking more compatible connections.”
