Louise Thompson has revealed she “didn’t talk” to her fiancé Ryan for six months after the traumatic birth of their son Leo.
The former Made In Chelsea star nearly died while giving birth to her first child in November 2021, and she is still suffering from complications – as well as PTSD.
In a new Instagram post, the 33-year-old opened up about the effect the trauma had on her relationship with Ryan – who she got engaged to 2018.
Alongside a video of her and Ryan playing tennis in their home, Louise wrote: “Playing indoor tennis and shooting the breeze… except we’re actually talking about some pretty heavvvvvy s**t. Turns out it’s the only way we know how to. ”
“I wonder how many of you thought you were good at talking about your feelings? I’ve always been someone that LIKES talking. Frankly I could talk the hind legs off a donkey. And I’ve always been someone that likes to talk about ‘the deep stuff’.”
“I love therapy and equally love a good chin wag with friends. In fact there are few things I love more than getting stuck into a DMC with someone. Us humans are social creatures and when we talk we feel more connected. That feeling of connectedness is one of the reasons I enjoy posting on here.”
“I count myself as one of the lucky ones because of my ability to talk to anyone about anything. I almost find it easier talking to a total stranger than someone closer to home…a bit less judgement that way. The uber driver. The DPD delivery man. My nextdoor neighbour. They’ve all been my therapist at one point.”
The reality star continued: “I’m an oversharer and frankly unbearably honest (about my own stuff). I guess it’s the nature of the business I’ve been in for the last 15 years. There’s not a lot of room to hide. If you go about the business of trying to keep secrets it only serves to catch you out later down the line… Especially on a reality tv show.”
“I didn’t have the luxury of privacy or hiding certain bits of information. Now that I do have more ‘editorial control’ it feels like too much effort to self censor all the time. Sooo…having confronted these (probably rather irritating) character traits, what I’m about to say is pretty alarming… ”
“Ryan and I didn’t have a proper conversations for months and months after the trauma of having Leo. We didn’t talk at all. Very limited talking for the first 6 months of his life. We would sit in silence at our kitchen table every single evening. Couldn’t muster a peep. Couldn’t even look at his face.”
“I don’t think I asked him a single question until Leo was at least 4 months old. I didn’t even really recognise him as a person in my home. (Before you think i’m a total monster he didn’t ask how I was either).”
Louise explained: “It was a mutual paralysis. Things were so dire, we couldn’t even register how weird this behaviour was. It’s only on reflection that I recognise how strange it is.”
“We only spoke about what had happened (the medical incidents) for the first time this year. That’s over 1 year later. And that’s the person that I live with. My life partner. It was impossible to talk about things whilst still living in the terror. It was too raw. Too painful.”
“I NEVER thought that I’d be someone who ‘couldn’t talk about something’… regardless of how challenging the circumstances. How can anything be that hard? They’re only words after all. I didn’t get it… until I did. And I learnt the hard way.”
“I remember asking my mum early on in my recovery ‘what can I do’? What could I do? what should I do? Should I talk!? I didn’t even know if I was allowed to talk. How odd a concept is that. Not knowing whether talking was going to screw my brain up more or less.”
”Gosh I’m strong for preserving. It feels good to be able to talk about things now. But we still don’t sit down and look each other in the eye and thrash it out. We find it easier to talk in passing, or over whatsapp or when we don’t have to look each other in the eye. Playing tennis in the kitchen.”
“I was speaking to someone the other day and they said that the only way they could have a proper conversation with their teenage son was when they were in the car, because they didn’t have to engage in that awkward eye contact thing.”
“There is a sense of safety and comfort in the fact that one of them had to concentrate on doing something else. It diluted the intensity and also the feelings. Where do you feel comfortable having important conversations?”
She concluded the post by writing: “I really want to encourage Leo to be able to look me in the eye and have the confidence to talk to me about his feelings as he grows up. Any tips from parents who are further down the line than me?”
