A popular Irish blogger and YouTuber has admitted that she thought about crashing her car after splitting from her partner.
Aisling, otherwise known as DramaticMac, has over 225k subscribers on YouTube.
Yesterday, Aisling shocked long-time followers when she revealed that she had split from her long-term partner Jimmy, and that she had wanted to end her life because of it.
In an emotional video titled, “We Broke Up…”, Aisling detailed how their perfect relationship went downhill after a trip to New York.
“As you guys can see from the title, Jimmy and I have broken up. This was obviously not a decision that came lightly to either of us but it was something that we felt was right for us in the long term,” she said. “We’d been together for nine years, we’d been together since we were in school.”
“Everything was perfect up until Christmas 2016. We went to New York, we were together eight and a half years at the time, we hadn’t majorly ever broke up, we broke up once or twice but that was for like a day or two.
“In New York, I had ideas about what that trip meant and he wasn’t on the same wavelength at all. It was surprising to him that I had felt this way because I’d never expressed before, I just thought that that trip was something more than what it was.
“I was eight and a half years going out with the guy, and I never ever felt a doubt in my mind that that’s where we weren’t headed. I always knew I’ll marry him, we’ll have kids, we’ll buy a house, we were meant to be.”
“So after New York, things just kind of went into a downward spiral, a lot of it was my own insecurities. I felt like we were broken.”
Aisling eventually split from Jimmy in September, as they both clearly wanted different things – but a month later, Aisling went through what she could only describe as a “mental health episode”.
“When I finished the relationship in September I felt fine, I felt like I had done something positive, but then in late October, around Halloween, it just came flooding back, I felt like ‘oh my god, s**t, what have I done?’
“So in October, November, and early December I’d say I was going through some really, really, dark places. My family know this, and some of my very close friends know this but I’ve only just told them recently, and if it wasn’t for my family and friends I wouldn’t be here in a good place right now.
“But I wanted to crash my car, I didn’t want to be here anymore, I wanted to die. I know that sounds so selfish, I’m listening to myself now, it’s not the person I am now. But I feel like the person in 2017, I don’t even know that person anymore, because I’m so much stronger and better.”
“I remember December 1st, I was going out to Amy’s to watch The Late Late Toy Show and I remember on the way home I was like if I crash my car, this pain will be gone, everything will be just over, and I can be at peace. But I never stopped to think how selfish that sounds, and my family who love me and my friends, people who do everything for me,” she explained.
Aisling then went on to tell her followers that she had completely stopped eating.
“And then I went through a phase of not eating, I wouldn’t eat, I didn’t want to eat, I wanted to end up on a drip in hospital, so that it would be a cry for help for him to come back and take care of me, and be with me, but that’s so wrong, so wrong.
“I’m totally putting all of this out here, I know I’m going to be getting absolute battering online for even saying these things because I can walk, I can talk.”
“I’m so healthy right now, even though my weight it quite low, I’m getting there every single day. But I wanted to number one: die, or number two: end up so sick in hospital from not eating.
She added that she was going to make a separate video about her issue with food, and told people suffering from similar issues to seek help and directed people to helplines linked in her description box.
After opening up to her subscribers, the blonde blogger admitted that she’s feeling so much healthier and happier since the New Year, and she wants to start making plans and living for herself from now on.
Since she posted the video, Aisling has received a huge amount of support on social media for being so open and honest.
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