PJ Gallagher has revealed he secretly spent 11 weeks in St Patrick’s Mental Hospital earlier this year, admitting he was a “danger” to himself.
Ahead of his appearance on The Late Late Show on Friday night, the comedian opened up about his mental health battle in a special episode of his Radio Nova podcast Glory Dayz with Jim McCabe.
During their candid discussion, the 47-year-old admitted he’s struggled with his mental health in the past, but said it was “never a big deal”.
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However, things changed last year when PJ started having “dangerous thoughts”.
He confessed: “It just got completely and utterly beyond my control to where I was a f***ing danger to myself. I was a real danger to myself.”
PJ recalled going for a walk with his ex-wife Elaine late last year when he suffered a total breakdown.
“We were out walking the dogs and all of a sudden I had what can only be described as a complete and utter mental breakdown, to the point I fell on my knees and everything,” he said.
“As bad as I was before, it was this unbelievable fear, unbearable, inescapable fear came over me.”
“All I thought for the next two months was, ‘I don’t want to be alive.’ I couldn’t think of anything else except not wanting to be alive.”
“The only way of getting rid of it was just not to be around anymore. Fear of nothing, just the crazy stuff going on in my head,” he explained.
“It feels so stupid when you say it now but fear of homelessness, fear of being poor, fear of not having money, fear of having no skills, fear of being useless, fear of being a burden on people, fear of all of that. Feeling like you are in the way of the world.”
During the episode, PJ also recalled the time his friend, writer Stefanie Preissner, “saved his life”.
He said: “There was one point, things got so bad, it was four o’clock in the morning and I woke up, and I was talking to my friend Stefanie Preissner, who’s the greatest human being I’ve ever met. She’s just my best friend.”
“It was four o’clock in the morning and I knew, ‘I’m not going to survive today, today’s the day.’ I’ve never felt so low, I was completely and utterly incapable of anything but this blind insane panic that I had to make stop.”
“I went to Stefanie at four o’clock in the morning. She came out and we got into the car and I was literally physically shaking in a ball, physically shaking, hands clenched, head down, and she saved my life that day.”
“No s*** she saved my life that day… I went and had something to eat and she put her hand on my arm and was like, ‘whatever it is, I promise you it’s going to pass.'”
“I didn’t believe her or anything, but I know if I didn’t go to her house that day I was going to go and do something else.”
Speaking about his admission to hospital, PJ recalled telling his bosses at Radio Nova that he needed to go to hospital.
“I got to the point where it didn’t matter anymore, it had turned into a life or death situation.”
After three weeks waiting for a bed, the comedian was admitted to St. Pat’s in December, where he stayed until March of this year.
During his time in hospital, the radio host pretended he was on holidays, and praised his bosses at Radio Nova for handling the situation “unbelievably well”.
Urging others to seek help if they need it, the 47-year-old said: “I just wish I had gone into hospital three weeks earlier… you learn how to manage it then.”
“I will never ever be that sick again, it’s never going to happen because now I have the tools, you have to work at being well.”
“I will get sick again but it’s never going to be like that again. I hopefully will never be in hospital again. I hopefully never have to take time off work again.”
“I’m in a really good place… I’ve never felt better. This is the best year of my life, undoubtedly. I’ve learned to say no, I’ve learned to say f*** off.”
“The hardest thing in the world when you feel like that is to say it to someone. But you have to say it to someone,” he stressed.
“Get into your GP. If you’re feeling really really desperate, get into a hospital, go to A&E, demand that someone helps you.”
“I know it’s going to sound insane to anyone that is depressed and I know it sounds impossible but give yourself the chance, talk to your friends, tell everybody around you that you’re not feeling well, because you will get help.”
“I know it sounds ridiculous when you’re in it but there is a way out.”
You can listen to the full podcast episode here.
If you have been affected by anything in this article, please visit www.pieta.ie or call 1800 247 247.
