James Patrice has admitted he avoids retaliating against homophobic abuse over fears for his own safety.
Speaking to Goss.ie as our latest Spotlight On cover star, the TV presenter opened up about the downsides of life in the public eye.
Since finding fame, the 34-year-old has been subject to vile trolling and homophobic abuse both in-person and online.
Picture: Brian McEvoy
Speaking about how he deals with the abuse, James said: “I suppose as someone who would have bullied growing up, my go to is to ignore it, always to ignore it, because you’re only giving them airtime, you’re only letting them feel like they’ve gotten to you.
“You know what I mean? But sometimes you would love to turn around and say ‘would you ever go and feck off?’
“But the problem is if you stand up for yourself, are you then going to risk a physical altercation? Is it going to get worse? Is this particular person that has targeted you in that split second in a really bad mood that day? Are they not feeling it? Are they going to go for you?
“So, unfortunately, as much as you’d love to kind of retaliate, I think for myself and for my own safety, I try and ignore it. I really do,” the Malahide native continued.
“In the same breath, if something’s really bad, I’m going to answer back, definitely. I’m going to say, and similarly, if I see it happening to someone else, I’m totally going to answer back, within reason.
“I always say, you want to protect yourself, you don’t want to aggravate someone who’s clearly so pissed off that they’ve chosen to insult someone that day.
“So it’s a bit of a mix, I suppose, ultimately yes stand up for yourself, stand up for what’s right. But don’t put yourself in a position for someone else to really hurt you because it’s not worth it. And they’re just a feckin’ eejit really.”
While James has been exposed to the downsides of life in the public eye, he’s become an inspiration for younger people in the LGBTQ+ community who might be struggling to come out to their loved ones.
Sharing his own coming out story, James said: “I remember I was 20, so I was relatively late I suppose, in some regards, but there’s no time limit on it. But yeah I remember telling my parents, I told my friends first and then I told my parents, and I was so lucky.
“I was so supported and I still am. My parents and my family were totally behind me, as were my friends, but I understand that it’s not the same for everyone.
|I would get messages from young people saying ‘I’m having a bit of a tough time. I’m not sure what to do.’ And I always say, you know what, tell someone and tell a confidant. It doesn’t have to be a family member, or you can contact a charity like BeLonG To, which is brilliant, they’re amazing.
“There are outlets there, you just have to kind of find that confidence to say it to someone that you have a bit of trust in.”
“But I would get lovely messages from people, sometimes from parents who will message saying, ‘I’m not sure if my child is gay or not, or what should I do?’ And I say well have a bit of patience, have a conversation, I suppose create a space at home where it’s comfortable for them to know that if they are a member of the LGBT community, they can say it. That it’s a positive experience for them.
“So create that kind of safe space at home, you know what I mean? But it isn’t easy for some people. It really isn’t. The homophobia is still there, there’s still a prejudice there. And people say, ‘Why do you have Pride? Well sure you have to have it. You know, to remind people how far we’ve come.”
James also opened up about his own love life, and admitted dating in the public eye is “horrific”.
“I mean, dating is a disaster. It really is. And like I’d be on the apps, well I’m just on Tinder really, and it’s just horrific,” he confessed.
“Sometimes people message saying, ‘Ah that’s not you. That’s not really James’, or I’ve had occasions where I may have matched with someone, and then I’ll message them and say hi, and then I’ll get a DM from their account on Instagram with screenshots of my profile saying, ‘This is a fake, there’s someone on there pretending to be you’. And I’m like no, no, it’s actually me.
“And then sometimes you might match with someone, and they might say to you, ‘Ah there you are, how’s your mam? How’s Malahide Woman?’ And I’m like ‘oh god’. And I suppose, maybe unfortunately I automatically think that they’re looking at my Instagram and they’re thinking ‘oh Jesus, who is this person? Is it a six foot seven drag queen running around in heels all day?’ And I’m like no that’s just a snippet of life, you know what I mean?
“So it’s a bit horrendous, it’s a bit shite, but we motor on, we try and stay positive. A few people have asked why I don’t go on Raya and stuff, but I have yet to embark, so maybe. I’ll be optimistic. I’m not going to drive myself mad looking for it, but if something came along, I’d definitely go for it. Definitely.”
Read James’ full Spotlight On interview here.
