Britney Spears has revealed she contemplated taking her own life in a heartbreaking new excerpt from her autobiography.
In her new book The Woman In Me, which was released on October 24th, the songstress recalls finding herself in a dark place during her time at a mental health facility.
The 41-year-old wrote: “How had I managed not to kill myself in that place? Almost anyone else in my situation would have.”
“Thinking about how close I came to doing just that, I wept.”
Britney claimed she had to stay at the mental health facility after a doctor diagnosed her as “demented”.
The mother-of-two alleged: “My father said if I didn’t go, then I’d have to go to court. He said, ‘trust me, you will not win’.
“I honestly felt like they were trying to kill me. They kept me locked up against my will for months.”
Britney was placed under a conservatorship after she suffered an alleged breakdown in 2008.
A conservatorship is granted to those who are incapable of making decisions, such as people with mental disabilities.
The arrangement put her estate, financial assets, and some personal assets under the control of her father Jamie, and lawyer Andrew Wallet – who later resigned from the role.
Following a lengthy court battle, Britney’s conservatorship was officially terminated by Judge Brenda Penny in November 2021.
In the book, the 41-year-old opens up about her controversial 13-year conservatorship, admitting she became a “robot”.
She writes: “I became a robot. But not just a robot — a sort of child-robot. I had been so infantilized that I was losing pieces of what made me feel like myself.”
“The conservatorship stripped me of my womanhood, made me into a child. I became more of an entity than a person onstage. I had always felt music in my bones and my blood; they stole that from me.”
“This is what’s hard to explain, how quickly I could vacillate between being a little girl and being a teenager and being a woman, because of the way they had robbed me of my freedom.”
“There was no way to behave like an adult, since they wouldn’t treat me like an adult, so I would regress and act like a little girl; but then my adult self would step back in — only my world didn’t allow me to be an adult.”
Britney continues: “The woman in me was pushed down for a long time. They wanted me to be wild onstage, the way they told me to be, and to be a robot the rest of the time.”
“I felt like I was being deprived of those good secrets of life — those fundamental supposed sins of indulgence and adventure that make us human. They wanted to take away that specialness and keep everything as rote as possible. It was death to my creativity as an artist.”
“I think back now on my father and his associates having control over my body and my money for that long and it makes me feel sick. Think of how many male artists gambled all their money away; how many had substance abuse or mental health issues.”
“No one tried to take away their control over their bodies and money. I didn’t deserve what my family did to me.”
Alongside her conservatorship, Britney’s new memoir delves deep into her past experiences, including her split from Justin Timberlake, and her previous fling with Irish actor Colin Farrell.
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