Did you feel a bit lonely, deflated, Bridget Jones-esque ringing in the New Year on Sunday night, filled with dread at the thought of eating your 12 grapes under the table again next year? Well look no further, as this article is for you.
Being single can be fun, exciting and liberating when you’re in the right mindset, but can be the very opposite when you’re not.
As you embark on the infamously well-intentioned January where everyone in the world is inevitably trying to change everything about themselves – why not take this chance to better yourself too?
We don’t mean the regular change-up of your diet, lifestyle, gym routine (or lack thereof), or fashion sense, we mean your dating habits – let’s focus on those.
If you have dramatised your situation to the point where you think “it can’t get any worse,” then trust us it won’t do you any harm to try!
With that in mind, we’ve listed 10 tips to help you improve your dating life this year:
1. Be honest with yourself about what it is that you want
It doesn’t matter if you have the lowest self-esteem on the planet and think you don’t deserve your dream partner, you can still write out a list of what they would be like.
There is scientific proof that writing down your goals and creating vision boards does help you to reach them.
In a study conducted by Dr Gail Mathews a Psychology Professor at the Dominican University in California, writing down your goals makes you 42% more likely to achieve them.
Writing down the attributes of your dream partner is no different to writing down the same for your dream job. Include every trait that you would want in your partner on your list, both personality and physical and don’t be afraid to add more as time goes on!
The list will not only help you attract your dream person into your life, but it will also act as a guide for you to compare the people you date to ensure they meet your needs.
2. Work on Self-Love and Confidence
While the saying ‘confidence is sexy’ is true, it is also worth mentioning that if you struggle to practise daily self-love, you will find the concept daunting.
For you to ever achieve the effortless self-love that some people embody, you must first make sure that you at least like yourself first. As long as you are a kind person who does not harm others, you are not as bad as you think.
Struggling with motivation, weight, or mental health doesn’t make you a bad person, being a bad person does. If someone has knocked you for ten and convinced you you aren’t good enough, it’s time to reclaim your power and prove them wrong.
You can get your self-love mojo back by doing simple things every day like keeping a gratitude journal and documenting things in your daily life to be grateful for, giving yourself at least one compliment a day and meaning it, thinking of your inner child when you criticise yourself and remember that that’s who you’re being so mean to.
3. Go on plenty of dates
If you are someone who has an aversion to going on dates because you’re nervous or stuck in a negative headspace where you think everyone is “bad”, then pushing yourself out of your comfort zone and going on dates will eliminate the intimidation surrounding dating.
Going on several dates will also help you to avoid putting all your eggs in one basket. This is good for many reasons, the main one being it will dispel the stench of desperation radiating from you if you find that you do come across too eager.
The latest TikTok trend is people using the soundbite “Someone cooked here before” to depict a situation where they realise the person they’re seeing has dated someone before, i.e. a man knowing what Olaplex is.
People like the validation of knowing the person they’re seeing is in demand, obviously this only goes to a certain extent and if you are exclusive you should hang your dating boots up.
4. Keep your cards close to your chest
While playing hard-to-get or other games when dating is unnecessary and childish, you don’t owe someone your life story either.
Everyone is intrigued by a certain level of mystery and someone who tells you everything from their family’s medical history to the colour knickers they’re wearing on a first date can be a turn-off.
People should earn your trust and not be told the intimate details of your life just because you can’t stand an awkward silence. Oftentimes, giving the conversation a breather can invite the other person to fill the gap and share something of their own.
It is a fact that people love to talk about themselves so try not to dominate the conversation out of nerves, if you find your mouth spiralling out of control then try to take a mental step back.
A good way to do this is to take a glass of water and sip at it for a few seconds so that you can stop yourself talking and when you come back pause and let the other person take the lead for a while. We’re not suggesting you be a wallflower but no one likes someone who burns the ear off them, trust us.
5. Stop romanticising people in your head
While picturing how perfect your life would be with a stranger who smiled at you on the Luas is a fun way to pass the time, it can be detrimental if you do it in the dating world.
If you find you are the daydreamer type, we’re sorry to say it’s time to wake up and smell the roses. If you find yourself constantly being sold a dream that never transpires then you must start to see people for what they are not what you wish they were.
Here are a few examples of how to de-romanticise certain situations and find out what is true in reality:
- You are seeing someone who is a married, but they’ve convinced you that you’re the only one for them and that one day they will leave their spouse for you. The truth in that situation is that they are married, therefore you’re not the only one for them and if they do divorce their partner for you down the line, you are only opening up your position as a side piece.
- You are seeing someone who you just found out has a history of verbal and physical abuse against past partners. However, they said they would never do the same to you and have made grand gestures to prove their love to you ever since. The truth here is that people don’t generally change all that much, and if they hid their past from you at the beginning, that’s not a great start. Also, generally speaking, “grand gestures” at the start of a relationship or after explosive arguments are signs of “love bombing”.
According to Women’s Aid, “Love Bombing is the practice of showering a person with excessive affection & attention in order to gain control or significantly influence their behaviour. The love bomber’s attention might feel good, but the motive is all about manipulation.”
6. Ditch the judgement and be open-minded
People are complicated creatures and there is always a lot more to them than meets the eye.
Even if you have a curated list of your dream man, you don’t necessarily need to stick to it verbatim, don’t sway on important matters like morals and values but looks are a bit more lenient.
If you are known for having a “type” then maybe it’s time to switch it up because falling for the charming 7ft athlete hasn’t done you any favours so far.
Although looks aren’t everything you need to make sure you are attracted to your partner and experience chemistry with them. Fireworks don’t need to be exploding around you when you kiss for the first time, but you do need to want to kiss them again.
7. Make dating fun
Go out and meet people “for the plot” and realise there’s no such thing as a failed date, as you always learn something.
Even if the lesson you learned is as simple as not liking a man who explains basic economics to you and screams quotes from The Wolf of Wall Street across the bar.
Failed dates make funny stories so try and focus on the positive in every situation, go home and journal about the encounter and document the highs and lows. This will also help you to remember what traits you do and don’t like in people.
8. Keep your standards high and expectations low
Stop putting astronomical pressure on the date you’re going on to be the best, and most fun experience of your life – the best loves are the slow-burn type ones.
If that weren’t the case, rom-coms would be 5 minutes long. It took the love interests in When Harry Met Sally 12 years to end up together (it doesn’t count as a spoiler if it was released in 1989), so you can ease off the pressure.
People sometimes tend to forget that the other person they’re going on a date with could be equally, if not more nervous than them before their meeting, so go easy on them.
If you are fresh out of a 5-year relationship you need to think back on when you first got together, you didn’t instantly hit it off with them either. If you think you did then you’re probably just looking back at your time with rose-tinted glasses! Give people a chance.
9. Stop overthinking and put yourself out there
If making intense eye contact across the room isn’t enough to seduce someone to come over to you, then it might be time to shoot your shot and make a move yourself.
The worst thing anyone can say to you is no, despite your teenage nightmare, no one in real life pours a drink over your head while laughing when they reject you.
10. Listen to your gut
Nobody knows what you want except you, even if you think you don’t – take a second to listen to what your body and feelings are telling you.
If you are with someone and you find yourself with a tingly knot in your stomach because you are having cute back-and-forth flanter (flirty banter), then that’s got the seal of approval.
However, if you have a fiery pit in your stomach filled with a burning desire to win this person’s approval then it’s time to run.
This push/pull power imbalance is most likely a result of an anxious attachment style meeting an avoidant attachment style.
Don’t lose faith in your love life because of a bad breakup or an awkward date, 2024 is a new year and according to TikTok it’s 202-4 the plot – so make it a juicy one!
