Spotlight On: Irish influencer Rachel Gorry

The past three years have been life-changing for Rachel Gorry. 

The Irish influencer is Goss.ie’s latest Spotlight On cover star and in this exclusive interview, she opens up about learning to live with grief following the death of her beloved husband Daniel. 

She also speaks about how she keeps Daniel’s memory alive, the challenges that come with raising their three young daughters alone, and her hopes for the future. 

Rachel is one of the top influencers in the country, with a whopping 263k followers on Instagram. But becoming a social media star was never her intention.

The mum-of-three created her Instagram account at the beginning of 2020, while she was working in interior design.

At the time, Rachel and her childhood sweetheart Daniel had just built their home, and Daniel encouraged her to set up the page to share house updates and interior tips – so that’s exactly what she did.  

The page became a form of escapism for Rachel, as her beloved husband was fighting oesophageal cancer at the time. 

When Rachel mentioned her husband’s diagnosis, her account started to blow up, and people from all across the country started reaching out to send their well wishes.

But on April 1, 2020, just three months after Rachel started her Instagram page, Daniel sadly passed away at the age of 29.

“Daniel was just the best in the world, there are no words to describe him…”

Rachel has bravely documented her grieving journey with her followers, and her strength and honesty has inspired thousands of people. 

After an “extremely difficult” few years, the two-time Gossies winner is finally ready to start focusing on herself again.

Check out our full exclusive interview with Rachel below: 

You are one of the biggest influencers in the country, with over 263k followers on Instagram. Was becoming a content creator and social media star always your goal? 

“Oh no, not at all! It kind just happened by accident. It wasn’t something that we planned. I started the account to pass the time when Daniel was in the hospital. We had just built the house so Daniel encouraged me to set up a page and share some interior tips on it, because I had talked about doing that for a while. I was already working in interiors at the time, so that was a big passion of mine.

“So that’s how it happened. I never expected to be where I am now… The account blew up when I mentioned Daniel’s cancer diagnosis. It was quite mind-blowing actually, how quick the account went from so small to so massive.”

How did it feel when your account started blew up and people started to recognise you and your family out and about? 

“It was very surreal and strange. I just thought it was mad that people were coming up to me to say hello, and they knew me, they knew my kids, they knew basically my whole life and I didn’t even know their name. But it was so lovely.

“Everyone always had such kind words and kind things to say to me. I’ve actually shed quite a few tears with my followers because they’d come up crying and talking about Daniel. I love meeting my followers when I’m out and about.”

“Daniel was my first love…”

You have been incredibly open and honest with your followers and have shared very personal parts of your life online – including dealing with the death of your beloved husband Daniel. Would you mind telling me a bit about Daniel, and about your love story?

“Daniel was amazing. He was so funny, he had a wicked sense of humour. He was my best friend. I moved from Dublin to Offaly when I was 12 and he just knocked on the door and asked was I coming out to play. I spent pretty much every day with him after that. We were in school together. He was my first love.

“We got married, and had the three girls. He was an incredible daddy, the girls were his whole world. He was a big man, he was 6’4, and the girls had him absolutely wrapped around their little fingers! He was just incredible and amazing, even right at the very end. There are no words to even describe him, he was just the best in the world.”

Rachel and Daniel tied the knot on June 18, 2012, and went on to welcome three beautiful daughters together – Leah, Holly and Hannah. 

Daniel was diagnosed with oesophageal cancer in September 2018 and after starting her Instagram account in 2020, Rachel decided to share his story with her followers… 

You decided to document Daniel’s cancer battle on Instagram. Why did you decide to do that, and did you find sharing your story with others therapeutic?

“Yeah you are so right, talking is therapy, and a problem shared is a problem halved. We never actually spoke about, ‘Should we share this?’ – it kind of just happened. I just mentioned that Daniel had cancer one day, and my phone blew up. We weren’t expecting it.

“People just got so invested and they really cared. People were messaging me telling me that they were going through something similar, or that they had lost someone through cancer. I’m sure we’ve all lost somebody through cancer. So I think our story just resonated with people, and we decided then to keep them updated.

“My followers got me through a lot of lonely nights… I can never thank them enough”

“It really helped me through the bad days. I don’t know what I would’ve done without the support. I set up the Instagram account three months before Daniel died, so I went through the worst time of my life in front of everyone. But the overwhelming support just blew me away, and it really got me through a lot of lonely nights. I can never thank my followers enough for what they’ve done for me. They’ll never know how truly grateful I am for them. I really needed them, and they really helped me.

“I always found it difficult to speak openly and honestly about Daniel to my family because I’d get so upset, and I didn’t want to worry them. So it was easier to talk to strangers online who were going through similar situations.”

How have you managed to navigate your grief while raising your three young children?

“It’s been very difficult. I can’t even begin to explain the pain and hurt. Our lives were ripped apart when Daniel died. I just felt so lost for so long. My main priority was the girls, and I wanted to put all my focus and energy on them. Daniel really wanted the girls to grow up in a happy home and just because he died, he didn’t want it to affect them – well obviously it was going to affect them. But he left me letters, and he said, ‘Try raise them in a happy home like we had always planned.’ He didn’t want them going around like ‘My mammy’s always sad, my mammy’s always crying.’

“I think it’s important that the girls do see me upset sometimes, which they do, but I also think I have to put them first and make them my priority. Losing Daniel has also made me learn a lot about myself. I’m a lot stronger than I ever thought I was. I think I shocked my whole family and anyone who knows me. Everyone thought, ‘Oh my god she’s just going to crumble, she’s not going to be able to cope.’ But reading Daniel’s letters pulled me through, and I realised: ‘I’m going to have to be stronger than ever now and put all my focus into the girls’. And that’s what I did.”

“I’m a lot stronger than I ever thought I was…”

You are an incredibly strong person and despite suffering such a massive loss in your life, you still seem to be have such a lovely and positive mindset…

“Aw thank you so much. But Daniel is honestly to thank for that because his letters and the conversations that we had before he passed… Obviously when we knew he was going to pass, he was like: ‘Right, I need to make sure Rachel is going to be ok.’ I think he knew how much I would struggle, so he wrote me these letters that I read if I am struggling. As I’m reading them, it feels like he’s beside me telling me what to do, and that keeps me focused.

“With grief, you can laugh and cry in the same day. I could laugh and cry in the same conversation! That’s just the brutal reality of it. You just have to ride the waves and take each day as it comes.”

We mentioned all the lovely, supportive messages you’ve received online but unfortunately, you’ve also had to deal with some negative messages from trolls. How do you handle that, and what would you say to people who do send unkind messages to influencers? 

“I think when you put yourself out there online, you probably should expect some negative messages. I don’t think it’s right, but it does happen. I think because my page blew up so fast, I might’ve been a little bit naive and I didn’t really realise how nasty people can be.

“I’ve had people message me, ‘I’m delighted your husband is dead’ and ‘Your husband is being eaten by maggots’. Those messages did floor me, I’m not going to lie. But when it comes down to it, you can’t let other people’s comments affect you. Their opinions are none of my business. Not everyone is going to like you, and that’s ok.

“I’ve had people message me, ‘I’m delighted your husband is dead’…”

“I have a great support system, I have great family and friends, and I get a lot of support from my Instagram family. So the people setting up these anonymous pages or writing about me elsewhere, which I won’t go looking for, I just wish them all the best.

“Hurt people hurt people so they’ve obviously hurting. I would never intentionally hurt someone else’s feelings or send messages like that so I can only imagine the pain they must be in to be able to do that.”

I’m so sorry to hear you’ve received such disgusting messages, I can’t even imagine… 

“I don’t get very many nasty messages, but I think those two definitely make up for any amount of other messages. But the good definitely outweighs the bad on social media.”

I know you’ve taken a few social media breaks to protect your mental health. Have you ever considered coming off Instagram all together? 

“I actually have considered it, especially after Daniel passed. I think because I was so new to it when the page blew up, I didn’t really have time to adjust to the odd bad message like ‘I don’t like your dress’ or something harmless like that. It was straight in with the ‘I’m delighted your husband is dead, go kill yourself’ kind of messages. So that did really affect me.

“I had to sit really long and hard and think about what I wanted to do. With Instagram, I get to work from home and I get to work around my girls. I get to bring them to school, do their homework with them, bring them to all their activities, put them to bed. My whole day revolves around them, and I can work around them. So I’m not going to give that up because someone is nasty.

“I’m not going to let the trolls win…”

“I’m not going to let them win. I have to do what’s best for me and my family. No one else’s comments or opinions should affect my life. I’m just going to keep doing what I’m doing.”

Does it worry you that your three young girls may want to join social media in a few years time, given your negative experiences? Have you given much thought about how you are going to navigate that? 

“Oh absolutely, I do often think about that. Leah is getting older now, she’s nearly 13 and it’s getting to that stage where she wants to be on Instagram. Some of her friends have accounts, and I’m just like: ‘No!’ And she can’t understand why I’m saying no because I’m on Instagram and it’s such a big part of my life. But I’m just so afraid that somebody might take a disliking to me and that they may project that onto her.

“Sometimes the girls say to me, ‘Oh I’d love to do what you do mammy’, because they see how much I love doing what I do. But I feel like I can handle the messages that I get. I’ve handled it and I think I’m doing ok, and I’m a lot stronger now than I was three years ago. But it would break my heart to think that someone would ever say that to my girls about their daddy, or about them. I am terrified. But I know it’s coming because the girls are getting older and it’s something I’m going to have to face sooner than I’d like to.”

Last month, two of your daughters celebrated major milestones – a confirmation and a communion. What has it been like going through these moments without Daniel, and how do you remember him during these special occasions? 

“Milestones are very hard, I really struggle with them. Even birthdays and anniversaries. But I got the girls a chain with a little picture of their daddy in it to try and include him in the day. Anything I do, I try to include Daniel the best I can. The girls are so strong and resilient, and they couldn’t wait to go over to the graveyard and show their daddy their dresses. Holly was twirling in front of the headstone saying, ‘Look at my dress daddy!’ and my heart broke. I had to gulp back tears.

“Milestones are very hard, I really struggle with them…”

“It’s incredibly heartbreaking, but it’s their normal now. They don’t even think anything of it. It’s incredible to see how strong they are, and how brave they are. We talk about Daniel every single day. There’s not a day that goes by that he’s not mentioned. I think that really helps, and it’s just normal to the girls now.”

I tell Rachel that her girls are such a credit to her, and that the reason they are so brave is because they’ve seen her be so brave…

“Aw thank you so much. I was in therapy when Daniel was sick and one thing my therapist said to me was: ‘Be open and honest with the girls throughout Daniel’s diagnosis.’ So that really stuck out to me and we were always honest with the girls. They were never in the dark about anything. And then when Daniel passed, I kept that going.

“You might think kids don’t know what’s going on, or that you can hide things from them, but they definitely know more than they let on. So I think the best thing is to have everything out in the open. I also never wanted them to be afraid to cry about daddy. So I think the best thing I did was be honest with them.”

I applaud Rachel for her honest parenting approach, and thank her again for speaking so openly to me about Daniel’s death – noting how difficult it must be for her. 

“I love any excuse to talk about Daniel,” she tells me. “It is sad, but I do love chatting about him at any opportunity.”

“It’s so lovely when people say to me, ‘I feel like I know Daniel and I never got to meet him.’ I love when people say that because it means that I’m keeping his memory alive, and I want to do that for the girls.

“Hannah, my youngest, was only three when Daniel passed away and she’s nearly seven now. She openly talks about Daniel and memories, and I don’t know whether that’s the memories I’m keeping alive or does she actually remember? Because I always had a fear of her forgetting. So if I can make strangers feel like they know Daniel, then I know that the girls will never forget him and that makes me so happy.

“A person isn’t truly passed until you stop talking about them and their memory is dead, and that will never happen to Daniel because for as long as I’m alive anyway, his memory will live on forever in our home.”

I tell Rachel that the idea of people living on through their loved ones and their memories reminds me of the 2017 Disney movie Coco. 

She replies: “That’s one of our favourite movies ever.”

You have had a few psychic readings since Daniel’s death. Have you been able to connect with him this way, and has that been a comfort to you? 

“When I first went, I was skeptical. But they just told me things that no one else knew. Before Daniel passed, I mentioned to him that I was going to go to a medium and he didn’t believe at all. And he said to me, ‘I’ll tell you what. I’ll say this word to you now, and if you go to a medium after I die and she says this word to you, then you know it’s true. And if she doesn’t, it’s hocus pocus.’

“So I went in and she was saying these things that no one would have known, so I was really believing everything she was saying. And then as I was walking out the door, she was like ‘Oh Rachel, he keeps saying this word to me but it’s so random and I don’t know what it means.’ And she said the word to me that he said before he died, and I just burst into tears. I couldn’t believe it.

“You can’t live your life by them, I’ve been twice in three years, but I really did get so much comfort from it. I know anyone can say, ‘He’s so proud of you’, but because she said that word I knew it was actually him and he actually is proud of me. She also told me that he’s happy where he is, and that’s all I wanted to know. I just wanted to make sure he was ok and safe.”

Back in April, Rachel broke down in tears on her Instagram Story after losing the engagement ring Daniel gave her.

She hasn’t been able to find the precious ring since her dog Teddy got a hold of it while she was having a bath…

Your engagement ring went missing earlier this year. Have you been able to locate it since, or have you any plans to replace it? 

“The medium did mention my engagement ring and said that it was gone and that I was never going to get it back, which devastated me. But she also told me that Daniel wanted me to stop whinging about it because it’s only a ring, and that is definitely something he would say. I have been absolutely devastated about this, and I’m afraid to even wear my wedding ring now in case I lose it. I’ve been crying and crying about it, and to know he’s telling me to stop whinging made me laugh.

“I think I was so devastated because he gave it to me, and I had it for almost 12 years. I feel so lost without it. I did buy an engagement ring and a wedding band, just dress ones, but it’s not the same. I’m really sentimental, I’d even be keeping cinema tickets, and Daniel would always laugh at me and call me a hoarder. Nothing is ever going to replace the ring. But I still have a bit of hope it will eventually show up.”

Thanks to her Instagram following, Rachel was able to launch her own clothing brand last year. As we come towards the end of our interview, I ask what her plans are for the business.

I also ask whether she has any other exciting ventures in the pipeline, such as a book…

You launched your own clothing brand last year called Alined The Label. Are you planning on releasing any new collections any time soon?

“Yes! I’m so super excited, we’ve put so much work into it. We have a new line coming very soon, and I can’t wait to share it with everyone.

“I never thought in a million years I’d be able to launch my own clothing brand, and it just goes to show you the power of social media. Alined is so important to me and I was able to include Daniel in it as ‘Alined’ is an anagram of his name.

“I’m forever grateful for the opportunities Instagram has thrown my way. It’s incredible.”

Do you have plans to launch any other brands?

“I’m not closed off to anything so you never know, but I have nothing in the pipeline at the minute. I’m kept busy enough!”

People have been so moved by your story, and so inspired by your strength. Would you ever consider writing a book? 

“I do always get asked to write a book. I know I share a lot of my life online, but there is still so much people don’t know about me. It’s not on the cards at the minute, but it’s definitely something I’m interested in. Never say never! Watch this space…”

It’s been three years since Daniel’s passing and as we come to the end of our chat, Rachel tells us she’s still learning to live with the grief. 

She has inspired thousands of people across the country, including her three daughters, with her strength and bravery – but it hasn’t been easy for her. 

Rachel is still taking every day as it comes, as she knows all too well that tomorrow is not a given.

Before I let her go, I ask Rachel about her plans for the coming year, and ask her to share her advice to those who are also grieving the loss of a loved one…

What is next for you? What are your plans and goals for the year ahead? 

“The last three years have been extremely difficult. This year, I tried to start to work on and focus on myself again. I definitely want to take the girls away on a holiday and make memories. I try not to look too far into the future, because you just don’t know what’s going to happen. So for now, I’m going to throw myself into Aligned. Tomorrow is never promised so just take each day as it comes and be grateful for every day that we do get.”

“Grief is a very long and lonely road…”

What advice would you give to someone who is grieving the loss of a loved one? 

“I just think you have to be kind to yourself. People used to say that to me all the time and I never knew what it meant. But I think we can be quite hard on ourselves. And you have to ride the waves because grieving is like the sea. It can be nice and calm and then out of nowhere, this big wave will come and knock you off your feet. You just have to go with it, and be kind to yourself.

“Grief is a very long and lonely road, and it’s something you have to learn to live with. I remember I used to say to my mam, and I think back now at how naive I was, but I used to think that a few years would pass and then I’d be kind of over it and start to feel normal again. But that never happens. You just have to learn to live with your grief.

“Grief is all the love you don’t get to express to your loved ones, so I’ll happily carry Daniel’s grief with me for the rest of my life.”