Michelle Heaton has revealed her addiction was “killing” her and that rehab “saved her life”.
The former Liberty X singer checked into The Priory last month for a four-week stint after hitting “rock bottom” over lockdown.
Just 36 hours after leaving rehab, the 41-year-old opened up about her addiction to drugs and alcohol in an interview with The Sun, where she praised her friend Katie Price for persuading her to get help.
She said: “I texted Katie while I was in The Priory, ‘You saved my life’. Because The Priory did save my life. What I was doing was a suicide mission. I never actually thought, ‘I want to kill myself’, but ultimately I was killing myself.”
“I was crying out for help when I couldn’t actually ask for help. But when you’re an addict, it feels like there’s no way out.”
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“There was a moment when I said, ‘I’m not going’. My best friend kicked off at me and said, ‘Michelle — you’re dying’. It was a joint effort from all my very dear friends who wanted me to live.”
Michelle has underlying health issues, and previously underwent a hysterectomy in 2012 and a double mastectomy in 2015 to reduce her risk of cancer.
The mother-of-two explained: “The hysterectomy plunged me into early menopause. On paper I’m not recognised as a woman, I have no womanly organs.”
“Without the HRT [treatment] I’m just a walking nothing. But I felt I had to live with that pain and suffering myself because I made that choice. I wasn’t allowed to cry or grieve or ask for help and I didn’t have therapy.”
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“Last September I hit rock bottom with the alcohol and had excruciating pains. My doctor could feel my liver sticking out because I was so thin… A therapist said to me, ‘We didn’t know if you were going to make it’.”
Michelle is married to Irish businessman Hugh Hanley, and the couple share two kids together – Faith, 9, and AJ, 7.
“I felt like a bad mother — the worst,” she admitted. “I’m so lucky I’ve got two beautiful children. They just want to see Mummy well and they want to have ‘fun Mummy’.”
“They want me to play football with them, they want me to do their hair. It was those simple things that I wasn’t able to give them. I never put them at risk in a physical way, but they saw me being sick and were worried about Mummy and wondering why she shouted.”
“My husband wondered if I’d be alive when he woke up,” Michelle added.
The singer admitted her alcohol intake increased over the lockdown, saying: “The amount of alcohol was ludicrous. I would be sick then I’d drink more.”
“The days I didn’t drink were very few and far between. I would buy it daily and have copious amounts hidden…I’d have a bottle with a little bit of sparkling water and the rest was vodka.”
“It would always be in my bag. I drank it everywhere… I’d wake up about noon and lunchtime seemed like the right time to start drinking again.”
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Michelle revealed her addiction began to impact her relationship with her husband Hugh.
“There’d be an argument where I’d storm off and then get out the vodka. I wasn’t having an affair, but I was in love with alcohol. There’s the sneaking around, the lies. It’s protection of your addiction,” she explained.
“Yet he stood by me the whole time. I wouldn’t have stayed with me, I don’t know how he’s still there. If he had left it would have been the tipping point for me.”
“I was becoming unreliable. I was late. I lost jobs I was in the running for… I’ll never touch drugs or alcohol again because I’ll die,” she vowed.
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“I just feel like the most lucky woman in the world because I’m here. I get to tell my story in my words and I’m still alive. I have the most beautiful family and friends.”
“And I really do feel I deserve a second chance. I’m not going to give up on any dreams now,” Michelle added.
