Cheating isn’t as black and white as it used to be.
Thanks to the invention of the term “micro-cheating”, people nowadays are getting away with hurting their partners on the grounds of “technicalities”.
The definition of cheating is subjective to each individual, especially in the modern world of open relationships and “throuples”.
To avoid hurt, confusion and the risk of being gaslit, it is better to have a conversation at the start of your relationship highlighting what counts as cheating to you.
The definition of cheating that we have grown up with is “when a person in a monogamous romantic relationship has an emotional or sexual relationship with someone else without their partner’s consent.”
However, many people learn the hard way that various other types of betrayal aren’t covered under this definition.
We have created a list of some things that may be considered “micro-cheating”, so you can think about whether these actions cross your boundaries.
But first, lets discuss why people micro-cheat and how they get away with it.
People micro-cheat for various reasons including:
- Low self-esteem
- Seeking excitement
- Seeking attention
- Feelings of unfulfillment
People justify micro-cheating for various reasons including:
- Lack of intimacy
- Undefined boundaries
- Poor communication
- Unfulfilled
Exchanging flirty messages
It’s not a proud moment when you sneak a peek into your partner’s phone and find the dreaded flirty messages. Unsure what to do or whether to say it because you know you have also crossed a line.
You rack up the courage to say it and get told that it is impossible to cheat with words and you are simply overreacting – but they will stop “if you want.”
Before making your decision to stay or leave, ask yourself the questions: Why did you feel the need to check their phone in the first place? Are you okay with inevitably finding messages like these again?
Reacting to an Instagram StoryÂ
Instagram is a blurred line for many couples, mainly because people don’t know what their partners are up to on their social media accounts.
Many people have the controversial opinion that liking an Instagram picture is micro-cheating, but is reacting to a story more understandable to be seen as cheating?
Swiping up to someone’s story with a flame reaction feels a lot more intentional and personal than a simple like.
But each to their own, just make sure to discuss it with your partner.
Flirting with someone else
We all know that friend who goes on a night out and everyone falls in love with them. It is not exactly their natural charm behind this either, but their love of “harmless” flirting.
Many couples have no issue with a bit of “flanter” (flirty banter) on a night out and only draw the line at physically making a move.
It is important to outline this at the beginning of a relationship to avoid hurting or disrespecting your partner.
Hiding a wedding ring or lying about relationship status
This behaviour may be seen as a breach of trust, but some couples do not consider it inappropriate unless it becomes physical.
However, if your partner knows that this is something you would be uncomfortable with and you hear back that they are lying about being with you – it’s maybe a good idea to call it quits.
Staying in contact with an ex
People stay in contact with their exes for various different reasons, like being in the same friend group or to help them through a tough time.
However, if you are not okay with this and they choose to continue spending time with them, you need to put yourself first and leave.
Emotional cheating
The workplace is a breeding ground for emotional cheating.
If you are uncomfortable with your partner’s “work wife’ or “work husband”, then you need to make that clear.
Signs of emotional cheating at the office are:
- Flirting
- Texting after work hours about non work-related things
- Being touchy-feely at the office
- Complaining about your partner(s) to each other and saying things like “Ugh, I wish I was with you instead.”
There are millions of examples of micro-cheating, but the definition of that is up to you and your partner to decide.
If your boundaries are continuously crossed then try find the courage to leave.
There is someone out there whose values align with yours, you just have to make space for them in your life.
