Shaughna Phillips has broke down in tears as she opened up about the death of her father.
The Love Island star sadly lost her dad Eddie December of 2016 after a battle with cancer.
The 26-year-old uploaded an emotional video to her YouTube channel on Tuesday called ‘How I Coped With My Dad’s Death’, where she shared her heartache.
Speaking about her grieving process, Shaughna explained: “That is a process that I believe is life long because no matter the amount if time that’s passed, you can still feel such a range of emotions. Like you could feel the same emotion as the day it happened 10 years later.”
“Unfortunately there’s no textbook way of dealing with grief…It is completely depends and it is completely personal to you.”
The reality star broke down in tears as she read a question from a follower who’s father had been diagnosed with terminal cancer, asking the star: “How did you cope?”
Shaughna replied through tears: “God, it’s that word. In my house we never really used the word terminal. Ever. In my head I was just living by the phrase, ‘It’s not over until it’s over’ and God works in mysterious ways, so like I wasn’t giving up.”
“Whether that was just denial, maybe, but it’s just how I coped and that’s how I dealt with it. I don’t think I’ll ever accept it, you kind of just manage it.”
The former Love Islander opened up about how she felt when she first lost her dad, saying: “I felt delirious. I had like just over a year of knowing he was ill so there was days that I found during that time, the time that he was ill, just absolutely unmanageable.”
“Ultimately you don’t ever want to see your parent or your loved one in agony or suffering and obviously I knew that he was everyday so after he did pass, knowing that he wasn’t suffering anymore was a nice feeling.”
“I feel like that overtook my loss, just knowing that he wasn’t in pain anymore.”
Shaughna admitted she finds it hard thinking about the future and weddings: “I can’t watch any wedding without crying. Not just for me but for my dad, I’m sure my dad thought that he was going to walk me down the aisle.”
“Just to know I’m not going to have that, I just don’t know how I’m going to cope.”
Opening up about taking on a caretaking role when her father was sick, she said: “For me personally, I took great honour in it. It really did make me feel good that I could take care of my dad and know that he could rely on me it’s almost like repaying him for everything he had done for me.”
“I don’t think you could ever be prepared, it’s physical pain, like it actually physically hurts.”
“My dad’s illness and my dad’s passing completely changed me, I do think ultimately it was for the better. I feel like I’m such an empathetic person now.”
“I feel like I can feel everyone’s heartache a lot more because I can relate and it’s made me want to do something with my life,” she explained.
“Not just make money, I want to do something with actual purpose.. I want to do something that just makes other people’s lives better because life can be s***.”
