Louise Thompson has admitted she’s cried “twenty times this week”, as she opened up about her PTSD.
The Made In Chelsea star has been suffering from PTSD since the traumatic birth of her son Leo in November, when she nearly died and had to spend five weeks in hospital recovering from serious complications.
The 31-year-old took to Instagram on Saturday to share an update with her followers, admitting this week “hasn’t been easy”.
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She wrote: “60,000 thoughts passing through my head each day. If I can try and get 30,001 of them to be non anxious thoughts then I am sort of winning.”
“Honestly I’ve never known anxiety like it. It feels inexplicable. But it’s not, and I’m starting to make sense of it 😮💨.”
“I want to say a big thank you to everyone for the outpouring of love, your kind words, your cards, flowers, gifts and your super supportive/constructive messages… most of all I want to thank you for being so patient, sorry if I’m being slow.”
“The days are moving strangely quickly and I can’t seem to get much done. Even thinking about that sends me into a bit of a panic. I don’t know whether I want to speed up the healing, or slow down the precious moments.”
Louise continued: “Unfortunately this week hasn’t been as easy as last week, but like any ‘transformation’ i know it won’t be linear, instead my road to recovery will take the form of a jagged line… much like my fitness transformation all those years ago.”
“Some positives: Because every day I write down some positives (yes I’ve been journaling like mad), but I think I still find talking helps me more.”
“1. This week I managed to talk myself out of the ‘I’m going to die’ mentality a few times without medical help. Having more awareness of what is going on in my head massively helps to calm me down.”
“I also tell myself that I can review my physical symptoms in 24 hours which is a good habit to practise because by the time the 24 hour period is up I’ll have survived.”
“2. I managed to attend an appointment on my own. Woooo. 3. Ryan [Libbey] and I went out for some food with baby Leo. 4. We went for a long(ish) walk in the park with the dogs.”
“5. My scar is finally looking healed up enough that I might even consider having a bath. Yikes ! Is that allowed? 6. My sickness has subsided and I’ve finally regained a bit of an appetite so I can try and maintain my weight.”
“7. I’ve stopped googling when I feel triggered (willpower 101) 8. I’ve stopped measuring my temperature and blood pressure and heart rate and anything else that I can track.”
“9. I got 8 hours of sleep last night and even had some dreams (exceptionally weird ones as Ptsd can drudge up strange things from the past).”
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Taking to the comment section, Louise later added: “Oh I forgot to mention I’ve cried about 20 times this week which makes me feel so much better and I feel that every cry is a huge achievement because it means I’m not bottling anything up.”
Louise and her fiancé Ryan Libbey announced the arrival of their son Leo on December 23, five weeks after his birth.
Sharing the first photo of him on Instagram, Louise wrote: “The reason I have been absent for weeks is because I have been very unwell. 5 weeks ago I gave birth to my beautiful baby boy Leo-Hunter Libbey weighing in at 7lbs.”
“Unfortunately it wasn’t the easiest start for either of us. One ended up in NICU and the other ended up in ICU. Whilst Leo made a fairly quick recovery, I have been recovering in hospital for a month with various serious complications.”
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“In all honesty I never imagined that so many bad things could happen to me, but to dance with death twice brings a whole new view of the world – a stark reminder of how short and sacred life really is.”
She continued: “We need to start living, we need to start loving, we need to start enjoying every minute detail in life (certainly easier said than done when you’re stuck in mental and/or physical purgatory or dealing with serious illness, depression or the fear of the unknown), but if you DO have the capacity, then try and cling onto any nuggets of good… and please please please be grateful for good health.”
“The hard truth is that you don’t know how lucky you are to have it until it’s too late. The reality is that I am in a bit of a strange place mentally and physically and I might be for a while, but that’s just part of the me now and part of my recovery.”
“It’s not going to be easy or linear but thankfully I am being offered some very valuable psychological help and the good news is that I’m starting to experience some good hours as well as bad ones. (Sometimes living hour by hour is your only option).”
“I want to finish with some happy news 🗞… I have been given the green light and been discharged from hospital which means that i’m able to recover from the comfort of my own home for Christmas.”
“For the first time in a month I actually see a future where I get to live peacefully on this earth with my son. I can’t wait to start our new journey together as a family of 3 and to start bonding little baby Leo.”
“A massive thank you to everyone who has kept us in their thoughts and prayers. It is working. More thank yous to follow. I’m too overwhelmed and a bit scared right now but I did want to send a prayer out to anyone who is also suffering and who might need love too.”
“Life can be cruel and Christmas can be hard. It’s a good time to remember those less fortunate… there are a lot of them. I’ve seen it,” Louise concluded her post.
