Lottie Tomlinson has opened up about dealing with the tragic deaths of her mother and sister.
The 21-year-old admitted she thought “getting help” for her grief was “admitting defeat” following the loss of her mother Johannah in 2016, and her sister Félicité in 2019.
Opening up about the losses to OK! Magazine, Lottie shared: “When my mum, Johannah Deakin, was suddenly taken away in December 2016, I completely bottled up my feelings.”
“I was so new to this feeling of grief and I didn’t know how to deal with it.”
Johannah passed away at the age of 43 following a battle with cancer.
“I was only 18, which is a weird time in your life anyway,” Lottie recalled.
“The first year was a really dark time. I lost my confidence, didn’t want to do anything and wasn’t myself at all. I wasn’t mature enough to go out and get help.”
“I wanted to deal with it on my own. I thought, ‘I’ll be fine. I can get through it.’ I felt that getting any outside help was admitting defeat.”
In 2019, tragedy struck again when Lottie’s 18-year-old sister died of a heart attack after accidentally overdosing.
“My sister, Félicité Tomlinson, then died in March 2019 – she had got herself into such a bad place and she never got any help,” Lottie shared.
“Things obviously went so wrong and I wanted to make sure that never happened with me. I felt I had a responsibility to my family to look after myself.”
“I decided I was going to try therapy, and I’m so grateful for that decision. It has made such a difference to my life, and my grief has been a totally different experience.”
She continued: “Therapy means I get an hour to sit and divulge all my feelings whenever I need to. It is my time to talk about my mum and sister. I feel a lot lighter after a session.”
“I feel grateful for the special memories I have of my mum and sister. My family are very close and we had the best life together.”
“I remember when we used to go to France on holiday every year and have so much fun. I think about those trips now and smile. Maybe I’ll even go back there one day.”
“I’ve got to a really good place now. I’ve worked on myself so much and as more time passes I do feel better.”
“Of course, I have good days and bad days,” she admitted, “I would never sit here and say that I’m completely fine, but I feel proud of how far I’ve come. I’ve got a good group of friends, my family, and work is going really well.”
“When I’m having a bad day I just accept it, do a bit of self-care and surround myself with friends. I have to let myself feel the way I feel.”
“It’s a more painful and lengthy process if you ignore your emotions. I’ve had feelings of guilt for being sad, and I’ve also felt guilty during happy periods.”
“I’m going to have those dark times but if I’m lucky enough to be having a good week – I need to appreciate it.”
“It’s so important to be more than my grief. I always said I would never let it define who I am. I won’t let it bring down my life. It’s a part of me, but it’s not all of me.”
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On the latest episode of Goss Chats, @itsalirose sits down with @m.rbeauty who opens up about his upcoming wedding and his surrogacy plans. Plus the beauty guru gives us the best tips for dolling yourself up from home. #GossChats is sponsored by top Irish aesthetic clinic @haus_of_jejuve