Alexandra Burke has admitted that she was “scared” to open up about her experience with racism in the music industry.
The X Factor winner said that she was “scared and anxious” to speak out about the topic, but knew that it was something she “needed to do”.
The singer spoke with Stellar Magazine about the emotional 15-minute IGTV she recorded back in June about racism: “All I’d ever thought since I got into the music industry was that I was so lucky to be given the chance to sing and that I had to just suck it up and smile, and do what I was told.”
“I was 100 per cent focused on pleasing people. I was terrified that if I said something the door would slam in my face.
“I am embarrassed that I went along with it for so long, but I was just 20 and it made me feel I had to be more grateful, and that somehow I was less.
“When it was suggested I bleach my skin, I knew I would never do that – but just the fact that someone has said that to you doesn’t make you feel good about yourself,” she shared.
“I always felt anxious. If tickets went on sale for a tour I’d think, no one will buy them.
“Initially I didn’t want to say anything, I guess I was still scared. But then I’d lie awake at night crying, thinking about my brothers, my mum, about myself,” she said.
“Then one day I was sitting in front of this photo of Mum, chatting with a songwriter when I felt my mum very strongly telling me to speak up.
“I stopped the conversation and told him I had something I needed to do. Then I went on to my phone, pressed record and just started to talk.”
“I didn’t prepare, I didn’t think, I just spoke. I tried to upload it, but it just wouldn’t upload. Part of me felt so anxious but part of me felt relieved.
“So I put on music, got out two bottles of wine and danced with a friend until it finally went online and then I just went to bed thinking, ‘What will be, will be’,” she added.
“Since that post, I feel liberated. I feel strong enough to stand by what I have said. I can stop worrying, and start really believing in myself.
“It has changed so many things. I feel comfortable in my skin and I finally think it’s OK for me to have kids.”
“I’ve always felt if I did, I’d never be able to take time out and then come back because my spot would be taken by someone else.
“I’ve always had it in my head that there’s not much room for black female performers. But now I’ve stopped being scared. I feel I can be the woman my mother raised me to be.”
