Nadine Coyle has told how she broke off her engagement – and went to live in a “crack den”.
The Girls Aloud star admitted for the first time it was her decision to split from American football star Jason Bell not long after he proposed four years ago.
And Nadine said she needed to go “find herself” – after not being able to deal with how perfect everything seemed.
“He wasn’t impressed when I decided I didn’t want to be engaged any more, and took myself off to live in New York alone.
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“We sort of split up, but not really. I was 25, engaged, and living in this beautiful house – it was all too much, all too good to be true.
“I felt like I needed to do a bit of suffering. So I went to New York and lived in this awful apartment.
“It was like something out of a movie – it was like a crack den, in the East Village.
“I thought I would try and find myself, but I was so scared the whole time. I lasted there a week. I ended up staying at the Hamptons. That was more like it.”
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And Nadine – who gave birth to baby Anaiya earlier this year – revealed her and Jason will now sometimes live in separate states for the sake of their relationship.
“It’s hard being with a man, it really is. They just don’t ‘get’ you all the time,” she told the Mirror.
“It’s especially hard after you’ve had a baby – sometimes you’re like, ‘I feel like I might hate you right now…’
“I send him into the other room if we’re not getting on… or another house. I’m like: ‘I can’t look at you, go to the other house!’
“We’re lucky, we have a place in LA and New York so we can get breathing space from one another.
“So any time we need it, one of us will go to the other place – another state – or even another country. It’s healthy.”