Charlene McKenna has recalled suffering a “total breakdown” at a major point in her career.
The Monaghan native was playing the lead role in popular RTÉ drama Raw at the time.
Speaking on Doireann Garrihy’s Laughs Of Your Life podcast, the actress confessed: “I would sort’ve say I had two kinds of breakdowns. The last one was about ten years ago and it was just when everything… I just hadn’t stopped.”
“I hadn’t caught up with my… I just had a total breakdown and I had to come home and just figure a lot of stuff out and start down the road of therapy and realise I had to look back over a lot of stuff and what got me there but it really was no laughing matter.”
The 37-year-old suffered her first breakdown around 2008/2009, and admitted she ignored some serious “red flags” at the time.
Charlene explained: “I had come home from London and a group of us had gone out in Dublin. I think it was 2008/ 2009.”
“It was New Years Eve, we had a great night, we partied away and we had a great time and I remember waking up the next day at my boyfriend at the time’s parents house, I was really hungover…”
“Our relationship was unravelling, and I didn’t see that either. I couldn’t see it. There were so many red flags that were getting ignored.”
“It was that day I was driving home to Monaghan anyway, I remember I felt the car was closing in on me, I felt I couldn’t get under my breath. I was obviously having my panic attack.”
“I came home and I got into daddy’s chair and Ellen was on, and I remember Ellen not really cheering me up. I had that feeling for about six months.”
Charlene eventually realised that she had to slow down after having a candid conversation with her parents later that year.
“I never stopped to think of any adverse effects and then it’ll always catch up. You can’t bury any of that stuff,” she said.
“I was doing Raw, I was the lead and I was carrying the show. It was so successful, but I kept going, kept going and it was still in my mid to late 20s so I was living in London, partying and just kept going. Smoke came out of my ears.”
“I remember daddy saying to me, ‘I would actually pay any money if you even pick a fight with me’, because I was so flat.”
“I did cry but I wasn’t even crying. I was nothing. I was so just so sick, so anxious and so tired. I remember waking up, the anxiety would wake me at 3am…”
“You know the way it does, it’s like that gremlin in your stomach and I remember then the thoughts, all the intrusive bulls**t unrelated thoughts start spinning. I remember it would spin so fast I remember physically holding onto the side of the bed.”
Charlene explained: “I remember talking to my parents.. I couldn’t articulate but they were very open to what I needed.”
“It was the start of a beautiful road of recovery and therapy and seeing the wood from the trees and outing myself back together better than before – like on a better foundation so that hopefully it doesn’t happen again or if it happens, you have tools now.”
