Lamar Odom has opened up about cheating on Khloe Kardashian in his new memoir, five years after the breakdown of their marriage.
In his new memoir, Darkness to Light, the NBA player expressed deep regret over being unfaithful to Khloe – who he married back in 2009, just one month after they first met.
According to PEOPLE, Lamar wrote: “I wish I could have been more of a man. It still bothers me to this day. But regret is something we have to learn to live with.”
Speaking about their marriage, which was documented in their own E! reality show, the 39-year-old said: “For a while, being with her was bliss and I was the happiest I’ve ever been.”
“We were one of the most famous couples in Hollywood and we made more money together than we had individually.”
Lamar said, “At the start of our marriage I was faithful to her,” but then the athlete started having affairs, and developed a serious addiction to cocaine.
He wrote: “I could not handle the lethal cocktail of the spotlight, addiction, a diminishing career and infidelity. Oh, did I mention the paranoia, anxiety, depression. … I couldn’t keep my d*** in my pants or the coke out of my nose.”
“Drug addicts are incredibly skilled at hiding their habit. I’d get defensive and Khloé would just drop it.”
Thankfully, Lamar is now living his life drug-free, but he’s still working on his deep rooted issues.
He wrote: “I’m still an addict. I still struggle … [But] I will not go into the darkness. Ever again.”