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#SingleInTheCity: ‘My dream date in LA – Irish guys could learn a thing or two’

Let’s cut to the chase, today we’re gonna talk about the time I got the ride off an absolute American babe.

A couple of months ago, myself and my friends went on a trip to America. When we were booking the flights, I was so focused on making sure my connecting flights were the same as everybody else’s that I actually booked the wrong date home.

I was destined for an extra night in LA it seemed, and I was determined that I wouldn’t spend it in a shitty little hotel, 10 minutes from LAX. Of course this meant that I ended up booking a shitty little hotel, 10 minutes from LAX, but I didn’t stay there that night. The plot. Thickens.

As I had mentioned in my previous post on Tinder, us Irish seem to have a bit of a misconception of the app. We think we’re going to meet the man of our dreams on Tinder and are genuinely shocked when the dates don’t live up to our expectations. Now Americans, on the other hand, have got that shit down. And I knew, that with the help of Tinder, I could get myself a gorge little date.

tinder1

I was in LA for a few days before I went to Vegas, so I decided to do the groundwork asap- Fail to prepare, prepare to fail. I was having a great time on Tinder in LA. It was like catfish central, except these absolute Gods were real, living humans.

They were models. Literally, they were all models. LA really is the land of dreams. So, on my first few days I matched with this guy and we’re going to call him Josh because Josh is very American, and because if I used his real name, Josh would know I’m talking about him.

You see some American guys wouldn’t be the brightest, so even if he reads this story, that sounds remarkably similar to our date.. his name isn’t Josh, so it couldn’t possibly be about him. But if you do want to have a creep, here’s his Instagram.

When we matched, we started chatting straight away. We realised pretty quickly on that we were both going to be at Coachella (Stop Orla, you’ve gone to Coachella? Yeah, twice, but it’s no big deal) and we said we’d try meet up. It was only when we got to Coachella that I realised he wasn’t joking around.

coachella1

The freak actually wanted to meet up. In the end it didn’t work out, and we never did but we chatted for a bit once I got to Vegas, and I told him I’d be back in LA the following weekend. I put my phone down, didn’t think about it and went about the holiday, being a mad bitch. On the last night of our Vegas stint, low and behold Josh text me asking if I still wanted to meet up. I honestly cannot put into words how good looking this guys photos were. Like for real, even now when I show people him (which I like totally don’t..) people say I was punching. And it makes me feel so proud.

We arranged to go out to Venice Beach where his friends were having a house party. I got ready and headed down to what can only be described as the biggest dive bar in history. It was like a scene from Coyote Ugly, except nobody else was dancing on the bar with me.

I drank at the bar for dutch courage, while toothless hillbillies played pool behind me and then off I hopped in the Uber and went to meet my future husband. When he met me outside he decided to bring me somewhere else, so off we went in a 20 minute drive to West Hollywood. That’s right- 20 minutes. With no alcohol. I was shitting myself, because obviously, that’s pure insanity.

The place we went to was amazing. It was like a wooden shed covered in gorge fairy lights, and the music was banging. When we went inside we went straight to get drinks, he put his card behind the bar and made sure they knew whatever either of us ordered went on that. The poor f***er had no clue who he was dealing with, and that I’m basically the female, Irish version, of Scott Disick (absolute baller).

scott-disick

Now I will admit, his chat was grand but he didn’t have me on my back laughing. He did have me on my back at one point, but it certainly wasn’t because of his jokes.

Now his beauty definitely made up for the chat, and let’s be real here, I think I’m gas so I was churning out all the jokes, and I really enjoyed them. Fast forward a couple of hours, I went back to his and as they say, the rest is hist- I SLEPT WITH HIM.

We said our goodbyes the next day and the minute I got back to the hotel, I was straight on whatsapp to divulge all the information to the girls. And if that wasn’t enough, I paid for the wifi not once, but twice, on the flight to continue talking about my night.

rodeo-drive

Days later, as I lay on my bed daydreaming about walking down Rodeo Drive, hand in hand with bae, my engagement ring sparkling in the LA sunshine, us discussing our baby names, the unthinkable happened. I got my period.

Goodbye visa, it was nice knowing ya…

Myself and Josh still stay in touch. He likes my selfies, I like his selfies- it’s beautiful. In all honesty, it was really nice to be taken out, brought to a gorgeous spot in LA that I would never have known about, and treated for the night.

Josh was seriously lovely, and I forgot to mention gorgeous. Did I mention that? That he was gorgeous.

So what did I learn from this American experience?

1. Always go to Coachella…

2. Always ‘accidentally’ book the wrong flights home, because you never know what story you’ll get out of it.

3. Coyote Ugly was based on a true story and when you’re in a bar very similar, don’t put LeAnn Rimes  ‘Can’t Fight The Moonlight’ on because they won’t get it.

4, American guys know how to date, and if they happen to put their card behind the bar, take full advantage. These opportunities happen once in a lifetime.

5. Tinder can actually be quite fun, and when there’s no pressure for the date to go anywhere, the experience is a lot more enjoyable. 

So if my horror date from the other week petrified you, I hope that this one has made you all feel a little bit better about your looming Tinder dates. And if you’re struggling to find any decent matches, Aer Lingus have some very cheap flights to the States, and if you get the right guy, you can make your money back within the first two hours.

Until next Sunday,

Orla x

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